PROGRESS REPORT

ISSUE #129

A Better Brief for Belonging

You’re invited to my house for dinner.

I mean it! Come by Sunday around six, bring a bottle of wine or your favorite cheese. No, no, there’s no special occasion. I’m just asking because we always say “We should do this more often.” And we really should, shouldn’t we?

Britney Spears spoke for all of us when she said “My loneliness…is killing me.” You’ve probably been lectured on the risks: loneliness is like smoking 15 cigarettes a day, it can alter our brains, even putting us at greater risk for diseases like Alzheimer's or Parkinson's. Since the Surgeon General declared our loneliness an urgent public health issue, thinkpieces have proliferated hypothesizing how we got here. Just as many are wondering: where do we go next? Long before COVID shrunk our social circles, our grandparents were partying harder than our generation.

Part of the problem is our imbalanced diet of interactions: too much “Sorry, I missed your text,” not enough yapping.

Despite checking our phones over 200x a day, our social muscles are more out of shape than ever. Psychotherapist Esther Perel blames our increasing discomfort with interaction on “social atrophy,” arguing that pushing through moments of conversational friction is essential to our wellbeing. In an interview that hits close to home for cat-owners, Perel said:

“Modern loneliness masks itself as hyper-connectivity. And so people have easily 1000 virtual friends, but no one they can ask to feed their cat. That loneliness, which is really a depletion of the social capital, is extremely powerful.”

So, how do we build back our social capital (and our roster of cat-sitters)?

While some prefer run clubs (e.g., No More Lonely Runs, Endorphins) or book clubs (like our own at SYLVAIN), my favorite antidote is gathering with friends over food. I’m part of two supper clubs: one that gathers monthly for a big meal at someone’s house (often themed, but not required), and another where we simply take turns making reservations at spots in Richmond we’ve been wanting to try (low effort, high reward). Like a good workout, I always feel better after.

Remember: you’re invited to my house for dinner. What if I told you I’m also inviting 50 other random strangers? Oh, and I don’t have any chairs or plans for a menu. Just kinda “winging it.” You’d be pretty annoyed, right? Yet, this is how some brands show up today.

With more companies than ever getting into the business of gathering, many are still doing so without a clear brief.

A new wave of aesthetically branded start-ups offer solutions to the loneliness epidemic: Meeno leverages AI to help people hone conversation skills, while The Breakfast App and Timeleft connect strangers over meals. One app creator recently complained in an interview to The Cut:

“Users kept going rogue, starting their own WhatsApp groups to keep hanging out. Now, [we’re planning] to introduce a feature that allows people to reconnect via the app and request to have another dinner.”

When successful connections result in a product needing to pivot, are the incentives of people and business really aligned? Ventures like these raise questions like: Who owns the means of connection? And what do we have to gain or lose by “branding” belonging?

These are big topics for marketing, brand, and product teams to grapple with. When belonging is held hostage and sold to the highest bidder, our gatherings risk othering those meant to feel included. Before jumping to fill the connection void, we should acknowledge that hosting is about more than just being a bouncer. In fact, that’s the bare minimum.

When we go through the motions of gathering without a clear brief, we rarely get what we want out of the experience.

In The Art of Gathering, Priya Parker talks about the overlooked importance of embedding intention and structure into our gatherings:

“Gatherings crackle and flourish when real thought goes into them, when (often invisible) structure is baked into them, and when a host has the curiosity, willingness, and generosity of spirit to try.”

A few basic questions can help turn any assembly of people into something more meaningful:

• Who’s invited (or not), and how will you spark connections between them?

  While it’s tempting to gather as many people as possible, a strong filter on the guest list can make attendees feel a sense of community when they look around the room. The beloved Rancho Gordo Bean Club keeps legume-lovers connected through its quarterly newsletter (“A Happy Place For Bean People”) and a Facebook group in which members exchange tips and recipes (that is, after they make it off the waitlist).

  
  

• What’s your venue for gathering?

  Do you want guests to feel like they’re in a church, a nightclub, or a pottery studio? The answer depends on if you’re trying to get people in a mood to reflect, indulge, or create. Determine a vibe you want to set, and build a world from there. For example: What if the new Netflix Bites restaurant leaned further into more immersive, rotating decor that transported fans to their favorite Netflix show worlds?

  
  

• What kind of host will you be?

  Are you a hands-on coach who shepherds every play, or a reality show host, narrating stakes before stepping away to let drama unfold? Defining your style will help set tonal guardrails for communication, and dictate brand behaviors around the event. You might learn from experience what doesn’t work, just as Barefoot Contessa, Ina Garten, learned her signature style (“keep it simple”) by trying to avoid spending the entire party in the kitchen.

  
  

• How will you deal with conflict?

  Any good gathering is likely to surface a few debates. Being clear and vocal about your brand values creates common ground for healthier conflict, and can help you avoid micro-managing the comments section. For example: Reddit recently introduced tools to help users automatically check if their post conforms with a subreddit’s community rules, which have long helped groups self-moderate on the platform.

  
  

• How do you want people to feel after they leave?

  Fostering lasting community from one event isn’t a realistic KPI. Near term, how will you make sure people walk away with a clear feeling or a sticky topic on their minds? Restaurateur and author of Unreasonable Hospitality Will Guidara tells an anecdote about leaving guests with a sense of wonder. Overhearing that a family at Eleven Madison Park had never seen snow before, his team arranged for after-dinner sledding in Central Park. Now that’s a sweet ending.

So, about that dinner.

Are you in for Sunday? I promise I have chairs—and a menu. Just one request: bring a friend. That’s what getting together is all about, isn’t it? When done thoughtfully, there’s a subtle alchemy that turns empty interactions into real community and belonging. One dinner party might not do the trick—but making it a habit? That’s one step closer to a less lonely world.

About the Writer

Caroline Odom Brinton is a Lead Strategist at SYLVAIN, based in Richmond, VA. She’s led brand strategy for clients including Amazon, Walmart, American Express, and Olaplex. Before this work, she learned about the powers of gathering, creativity, and persuasion by selling magic supplies and organizing ping pong tournament fundraisers.

About Progress Report

Progress Report is a bi-weekly newsletter of business considerations, cultural conversations, and fun recommendations from around the world and web.