The Newsletter | Edition 120

Why is it easier to be 100% ourselves when we’re alone? What keeps us from being 100% ourselves, 100% of the time? While these questions intrigue us (and give greater dimension to the low-lying social anxiety captured in countless memes 😶‍🌫️), leaders should care about them, too. After all, a top marker of high-functioning, happy teams is a sense of psychological safety. How can we create that sense of safety? What other areas of culture can act as sources of inspiration (or caution)?

1. Let go of outdated ideals, from Trevor Larry

2. Embody your favorite persona, from Andrea Villena

3. Try getting vulnerable, from Kristy Jensen

THE GAZE OF REALITY TV

from Trevor Larry

TL;DR

The way we think others perceive us plays a role in how we see ourselves—even for the most confident among us. This idea of "the gaze" is easy to observe in reality TV, and offers valuable insight into creating a more inclusive workplace.

Why it matters

Netflix released The Boyfriend this summer, a reality show about gay love and dating in Japan, where same-sex unions have yet to be legalized. The show is both a meaningful marker of social progress and a heartwarming glimpse of gay romance that will tug at your heartstrings. 🥹

Rather than wait for the season finale, Japanese reality shows often have a panel of celebrities share live commentary dissecting what happens during each episode. In The Boyfriend, the commentators’ judgments act as a mirror of Japan’s attitudes toward homosexuality. The tension of still-present heteronormative expectations feels most palpable when Dai’s private photos become the subject of criticism, before being tactfully dispelled by the one queer person on the panel.

This interaction got me thinking about all of the ways in which social constructs lag behind our own sense identity, magnifying dissonance between who we are publicly and privately. When unchecked and unspoken, this “internalized gaze” can lead to self-regulation even when we’re alone.

So, what does this mean for work? The very idea of “professionalism” is one such social construct that we constantly negotiate, reinforce, and redefine over time. Where do outdated ideas of professionalism (like formality or dress codes) interfere with what professionalism is meant to uphold (like competence and respectfulness)? For a construct like “professionalism,” it’s up to each of us to go against the grain of outdated ideals so that we can all be our full selves in the workplace.

One thing you can do right now

Find opportunities to push against outdated ideas of professionalism.

Areas for reflection

Where might we subconsciously cling to misconceptions about what makes a professional teammate and team environment?

• Around the clock communication. The idea that we have to sacrifice personal time in order to be professional has decreased, but late night Slack messages are still rampant.

• Formality. How do we inadvertently place value on more formal or rigid communication styles?

• Extroversion. Open floor office plans and rewarding outspokenness undermine the power of introversion.

• Appearance. While we’re at it, let’s just get rid of dress codes altogether.

PUT ON A SHOW!

from Andrea Villena

TL;DR

Bringing your full self to work is a tall order. Consider crafting a work persona if you feel a bit “fringe,” and create some freedom both at work and at home.

Why it matters

Many jobs ago, a manager of mine spoke about the length of her “emotional commute.” This was not about a maddening, tearful journey on a stalled subway train. Instead it referred to the distance between her home self and her work self, and how she traversed the gap.

At the time, despite a five minute physical commute, my “emotional commute” felt like I was crossing the Hudson. As a classic introvert, the gap between my preference for quietness and the profoundly chatty, collaborative nature of our work can leave me feeling as drained as an hour spent in gridlocked traffic.

A classic piece of advice for the socially anxious is to be yourself—but performers of screen and stage know that it can be a freedom to put on a show. Acknowledging the gap between home self and work self can help us explicitly define the traits we’d most like to exhibit and develop at work, rather than adhere to an unspoken code of expectations. My emotional commute today feels lighter having accepted that bringing my whole self anywhere is a pain—but bringing my favorite self is a lot more fun.

One thing you can do right now

Encourage your “preferred self” over your “whole self.”

Before you take a bow

• Beware of going “too method.” Many actors have discovered it can be a real drag.

• Consider the big picture. Remember that someone’s preferred self can only emerge when other, more fundamental needs have been met.

• Have fun with your costume.

EGO DEATH SUMMER

from Kristy Jensen

TL;DR

I hate to break it to you, but Brat Summer is over (I still ride for you, Charli!). There was a much bigger phenomenon at play this summer: ego death. Ego death leads to vulnerability, which creates a sense of psychological safety—that sweet spot where true innovation and progress can thrive.

Why it matters

Look no further than summer’s reigning pop princess: Charli XCX. On the “Girl, So Confusing Remix” Charli gets personal about her insecurities being compared to fellow pop artist, Lorde, who retorts: “I was trapped in the hatred / And your life seemed so awesome / I never thought for a second / My voice was in your head.”

This vulnerability struck a chord with fans around the globe, placing the song at #2 on the Billboard Charts. Industry accolades aside, this moment of celebrity ego death is shifting the collective narrative around the complexities of female friendship. Vogue writer Emma Specter muses:

"I’m so excited that Charli and Lorde are carving out a place in the culture for women’s complex feelings about one another and themselves that does feel appropriate for scream-singing with your besties.”

Addressing tabloid rumors head on, through the very medium that made these artists mega stars, was a vulnerable move that required ego death. By baring their souls in a way they hadn’t done previously, they created a safe space for others to do the same.

One thing you can do right now

Take inventory of the ways you show up in the world.

How to check yourself

Consider this a pulse check to determine if there are areas in your life where more vulnerability could benefit your decision making.

• When challenged on an issue, are you automatically defensive?

  • Try this instead: Pause, listen, and reflect before responding.

• Are you looking at the issue holistically?

  • Try this instead: Is there another action/solution that might require some discomfort? If so, be brave and explore what that option looks like. You may even try a Discomfort Diet.

Progress Report is dedicated to providing inspiration for action. This biweekly newsletter explores business and cultural topics in real-time, with information and action steps on how to make progress now.

SYLVAIN is a strategy and design consultancy that provokes progress for companies, people, and society at large.